Mood Swing

Bear with me.

No, I am not pregnant. Could be highly hormonal, though. Lately I have been feeling blah. Very blah. Sometimes I just get tired. Tired of not knowing what will happen in the future. Tired of trying to decide what I should be doing in my life and where I should be going. Should I work or should I not? Am I focusing on the wrong things?  

 I just happened to get to go to Relief Society today and our lesson was about work. I don't think it was any work in particular, but just work in general. We talked about the value of teaching your children how to work by doing work together with them. My Mom taught me a lot of things, but working was not one of them. She was a busy woman with 4 kids under the age of 6, and it was much easier for her to just quickly do the work herself rather than get one of us to help/do it. I can definitely see how much easier that can be at times. To this day I still struggle with knowing how to teach my kids to do things. For a long time I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to do simple everyday things(like clean the corners inside the windows, you know, where after you wipe them out they still have gunk?) and I couldn't understand why I didn't know how to do it. It was because my Mom never taught me, she just did it for me. And now I am trying my best to figure out how to teach MY kids the value of work. I am struggling.

I tend to get swept up in the worldly things that you don't really realize are worldly until that is all you think about and worry about. Like crafting(another thing my Mom is not gifted in). I dream of the day when I can find a pillow cover I like and immediately run downstairs and sew up one just like it without even breaking a sweat. I scour blogs daily looking for adorable new decorations I can make. And then yesterday I decided I don't want to. I don't have time for it. I am still trying to figure out how to feed my kids semi-nutritious meals three times and day and two snacks and keep the house clean on a daily basis. I just can't do it all.

Another bombshell was dropped on me today while I was reading the Ensign. There was a couple of articles in there that I am sure were put there specifically for me. You know, the ones where you are reading them and fighting back the tears at the same time? They were like that.   The first was about staying out of debt. But the debt part wasn't the part that applied to me, it was the living within your means part. Why is it that no matter what we have, we always want more? The grass always seems greener on the other side. It is probably just me, but it always seems like everyone else has more and better things than me. And this crazy jealous part of me rears its ugly head and makes me think, why not me? Don't I deserve all of the things that so-and-so has?? Don't I deserve a house with a backyard that my boys can run wild through as long as they want?? Don't I deserve a new car, or a new flip HD camera, or an Ipad, or a new fridge, or new clothes whenever I want? And then I read the article and it talked about something I DON'T think about. There are people out there who look at me and what I have, and their crazy jealous part comes out. And then the guilt from being so ungrateful comes. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the 'things' I think I need that I don't even realize what I already have; The PERFECT husband who seriously treats me better than a queen. The most adorable two boys in the universe. We are all HEALTHY and ALIVE. We have a roof over our heads. We have cars that get us from point A to point B(and that's all we really need). We have food to eat. We have all our bills paid every month. We have insurance. Kacey has a good job and works for good people. We live close by family and friends. We have a church on every corner almost. We live in America. The list goes on and on.

So. I have decided to try and keep it simple. Do I really need all of these things that everyone else seems to have??

 Nah. I have all I need right here. :)

I am just going to focus on the things that really matter.

Music, anyone??

Got some new music playing in honor of V-day..... Enjoy. :)

Unfinished business.

I have a really bad habit that I must share. I start projects, and don't finish them. I have good intentions, I just get distracted and find other projects, and forget about the one I had started previously. So one of my goals for the year is to finish projects that I start, before I start other ones. Here are a few of the projects I have started in the last few months....

This will be an advent calendar....

This will be a wreath....

This will be some curtains for the boys' room.....

And I am happy to say, this one I have already finished. Sorting and organizing the too-small-but-still-too-big clothes.... :)

This will be the year of purging. Junk, that is. I am tired of all the clutter, and it must go. 

Stay tuned for the finished projects.....

Uncle Gordy

I didn't know him anymore. I hadn't seen him in years. Ever since my Grandma died, he had disappeared off the face of the earth, with only an occasional spotting of his Bronco around town. And yet, when his life was taken in a horrific car accident, my heart was sad. I was disturbed about the way he had died. No one should pass away like this.I felt like he was all alone. I was sad that I didn't get to know him. That I never really knew all of the things he had been through in his life. That he never really tried to know his family, children, or grandchildren. I felt like he was robbed. He never got to know how great his kids are. And they really are. I never got to know his kids very well, but even with the very limited time I have spent with them, I love them. They are such incredible people. I feel proud to call them my cousins. And he didn't see that here on earth. It makes me sad. Would he have turned his life around and tried to be a father, had he not died? I don't know. Sadly, I doubt it. But it still makes me sad.


Gordon Gayle Tingey, 60 passed away Saturday, September 4, 2010 from injuries sustained in an accident. Gordon was born May 17, 1950 in Brigham City, UT a son of Gayle Korth and Opal Nicholas Tingey. Gordon served his country in the Army. He was an avid outdoorsman; he loved hunting, camping and fishing.

SIX years people!!

As of today we have had SIX years of wedded bliss!!

What an amazing six years it has been!!

I am so lucky and grateful for Kacey to be my eternal partner! He means EVERYTHING to me. I don't even want to think of what I would do without him!!

I love you Kacey. (Muah)

Bittersweet

I love this time of year. I really do. It is just starting to get warm with lots of sunshine-y days. I love it. It is also a time when I do alot of thinking. As you know, my sister-in-law was doing a fundraiser for the American Cancer Society where you donate money and get bouqets of daffodils in return. She brought me my beauties yesterday and it couldn't have come at a more appropriate time. 13 years ago next week, my dear Grandma H passed away due to a malignant brain tumor. She passed away within 7 months of being diagnosed. It was a very hard time for my family, especially my mom. I still haven't gotten over it and I cry every time I think about her. I miss her so much, and I know my mom does too. :( I know it was her time to go, but I still wish she was here sometimes. It makes me sad thinking of all of the things she is missing out on.

It also makes me very grateful that me and everyone in my family are all healthy and going strong. And it makes me grateful that I get to wake up to these adorable faces every morning.....

How lucky am I??

Groundhog day

I am ready for winter to be over. Now.

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I NEED sunshine.

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I NEED flip flops.

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I NEED bermuda shorts.

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I NEED warm summer nights.

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I NEED weekend camping trips to Blacksmith fork.

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I NEED to be able to take Preston to a park and let him loose without putting 6 layers of clothing on him.

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I am having a second case of cabin fever this winter. (the first one being the first six weeks of G-man's life.)

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And, I am beginning to feel exactly like the guy on Ground hog day.

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Wake up. Feed Gunner. Go back to sleep. Wake up again. Feed Gunner. Feed Preston. Try to study. Feed Gunner again. Feed Preston again. Feed Gunner. Feed myself, perhaps. Put in a load of laundry. Pump. Go to school. Come home from school. Feed Gunner. Feed Gunner for the last time. Shower? Go to sleep.

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Every Day.

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Okay, not EVERY day. But the other days we are too exhausted to do anything. Or one of us doesn't feel like it.

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Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my life, and where it is going, and everything I have.

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However, I am seriously going insane.

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I have considered running away several times.

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Just to spice things up a bit, have a change of scenery.

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And I would even take the kids with.

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Moral of this story is, Summer, I am ready for ya!!

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We have got to get out of this house!!

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( I guess I would even settle for spring!!)

Life, currently.....

Here are my jumbled thoughts for the day.....

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*Here is my and my boy at 37 weeks..... We are counting down the days until he gets here(12)!! I am excited and also terrified to have another c-section... After all, it is major surgery and I didn't have a great recovery last time. Hopefully, I will be able to remember the first month of Gunner's life and it won't just be a fog.....

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*I am feeling very grateful for such supportive family and friends that seem just as excited as me for the new man to come into our lives! Thank you! It is kind of bitter-sweet that my pregnancy is almost over. On the one hand, I am SO excited to meet him, see what he looks like, hold him, and have Preston meet him..... On the other hand I don't know what the future holds for us and if we will have the same infertility trials that we had to get this one here. It is always on the back of my mind.

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*I was looking through blogs the other day and found out you can print your blog into a book to keep, like a journal and scrapbook in one!! Since I suck at both, I am going to try and post once or twice a week and then print out a book for every year for us to look at. I think I will do a separate one for each of the kids, too.

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*My mom threw me a fun baby shower a few weeks ago for family and friends that didn't get to go to Preston's shower, and it was awesome!! We are stocked with baby clothes for the winter thanks to my support system. I felt kind of stupid having ANOTHER baby shower when I already had one for Preston, but no one else seemed to care! There was good food and good company and I saw alot of people I don't get to see very often.

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* I have been trying to find new ways to entertain Preston and do fun things at home with him and want to keep doing these things as much as possible.... such as art projects, teaching him his ABC's, and making playdough. It is very hard for me to come up with fun ideas for a three year old, so I have been relying very heavily on other people's ideas for this....i.e. other people's blogs...... I am so grateful to have the opportunity to be a mother... Some days I find myself just going through the motions and not cherishing the time I have during these early years...I really want to try and be the best mom I can be and focus all my attention on my boy(s)-not always an easy task for me. Sometimes it is just easier to sit him in front of sponge-bob and surf the internet for Christmas presents, ya know? I am going to work really hard to give him all of my attention and love.

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* NOTHING fits my poor body anymore. I basically alternate between two pairs of sweats every day that are long enough for me. That is one part of pregnancy I won't be sad to see go ....

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* I am really excited for Thanksgiving. And for New Moon to come out. ;)