Sunday, February 20, 2011

Mood Swing

Bear with me.

No, I am not pregnant. Could be highly hormonal, though. Lately I have been feeling blah. Very blah. Sometimes I just get tired. Tired of not knowing what will happen in the future. Tired of trying to decide what I should be doing in my life and where I should be going. Should I work or should I not? Am I focusing on the wrong things?  

 I just happened to get to go to Relief Society today and our lesson was about work. I don't think it was any work in particular, but just work in general. We talked about the value of teaching your children how to work by doing work together with them. My Mom taught me a lot of things, but working was not one of them. She was a busy woman with 4 kids under the age of 6, and it was much easier for her to just quickly do the work herself rather than get one of us to help/do it. I can definitely see how much easier that can be at times. To this day I still struggle with knowing how to teach my kids to do things. For a long time I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to do simple everyday things(like clean the corners inside the windows, you know, where after you wipe them out they still have gunk?) and I couldn't understand why I didn't know how to do it. It was because my Mom never taught me, she just did it for me. And now I am trying my best to figure out how to teach MY kids the value of work. I am struggling.

I tend to get swept up in the worldly things that you don't really realize are worldly until that is all you think about and worry about. Like crafting(another thing my Mom is not gifted in). I dream of the day when I can find a pillow cover I like and immediately run downstairs and sew up one just like it without even breaking a sweat. I scour blogs daily looking for adorable new decorations I can make. And then yesterday I decided I don't want to. I don't have time for it. I am still trying to figure out how to feed my kids semi-nutritious meals three times and day and two snacks and keep the house clean on a daily basis. I just can't do it all.

Another bombshell was dropped on me today while I was reading the Ensign. There was a couple of articles in there that I am sure were put there specifically for me. You know, the ones where you are reading them and fighting back the tears at the same time? They were like that.   The first was about staying out of debt. But the debt part wasn't the part that applied to me, it was the living within your means part. Why is it that no matter what we have, we always want more? The grass always seems greener on the other side. It is probably just me, but it always seems like everyone else has more and better things than me. And this crazy jealous part of me rears its ugly head and makes me think, why not me? Don't I deserve all of the things that so-and-so has?? Don't I deserve a house with a backyard that my boys can run wild through as long as they want?? Don't I deserve a new car, or a new flip HD camera, or an Ipad, or a new fridge, or new clothes whenever I want? And then I read the article and it talked about something I DON'T think about. There are people out there who look at me and what I have, and their crazy jealous part comes out. And then the guilt from being so ungrateful comes. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the 'things' I think I need that I don't even realize what I already have; The PERFECT husband who seriously treats me better than a queen. The most adorable two boys in the universe. We are all HEALTHY and ALIVE. We have a roof over our heads. We have cars that get us from point A to point B(and that's all we really need). We have food to eat. We have all our bills paid every month. We have insurance. Kacey has a good job and works for good people. We live close by family and friends. We have a church on every corner almost. We live in America. The list goes on and on.

So. I have decided to try and keep it simple. Do I really need all of these things that everyone else seems to have??

 Nah. I have all I need right here. :)

I am just going to focus on the things that really matter.


Erin said...

I should just print and paste this post into my journal (if I actually wrote a journal) :)!

I completely 100% understand exactly how you feel and it is frustrating! John always tries to pull the trick and say that "don't you think people are also jealous of us" crap on me and always puts me back in my place when I complain or have my little (frequent) moments of self pity. It's so easy to look around and see what everyone else has (and has had for years!) and not be jealous, but it is so hard to look at your own life and see that you too have wonderful things. Why is that?! It is so retarded!

Anywho, I hope you get feeling better about whatever situations you are in but if you don't just remember that someone in Texas (Who is feeling lonely and homesick lately) is feeling the exact same way you do!!

Good luck!

Kody and Kurliston said...

You are so very awesome! And you are right, there are always people looking at you and thinking "if only I(insert my name) was like her(insert Jamie)". Really, I really do. You are so talented and very awesome and instead of giving up you just keep on going and getting better at it everyday. I have this great quote "What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal"--Albert Pipe
Another one that I like (especially when you've had one of those days and you wonder why you even try) it's by President Monson: "The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world." There's nothing in this world that will ever have more of an impact then teaching our children, no matter what that may be, hopefully good things lol. Anyway, thanks for the post. I needed a reminder of that too!

shauntae said...

Thanks for sharing Jamie. I am glad to know that someone can put into words some of the same feelings I have. Just know that you're not alone!

brent said...

I understand with a completely different of wants. :) I think you're a great example and thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Shannon said...

Happen upon your blog and was touched by your comments. You are so right about not needing more stuff. It is hard to be a mom and do all the little things, to teach our kids to work, share, be kind, and have them grow up as productive citizens, everyday is long/ never ending. You are making a difference and you are doing the most important job ever. You are a mother!Wish we was you more. You may not even know me....Kacey's cousin....I think you are doing are trying :)